I am no athlete.
I’ll just say it out loud so the whole world can hear: ‘My relationship with team sports is troubled and complicated.’ I think team sports are a big part of the journey into discovery for kids. We need to find what makes kids tick and motivated, and parents need something else to drive to twice a week. It works out great, right? My time with team sports is a little…normal?
As a kid, I wasn’t built for sports. I was always skinny, winded easily, and really didn’t have what we called ‘skills’. Pull-ups were never in my P.E. progress reports, and I was picked last for just about everything. I had one shining moment in 4th grade ‘kill ball’ (dodge ball) that I will share another time, but mostly I was awful. Let me amend that; I wasn’t always the worst one on the team, except that last year of baseball when I went 0-for the season. THE SEASON. I may have been 14 or 15, and a couple of factors came into play here. First, I just bought a bass guitar, so that was where my time was spent. Second, I was still skinny with no relief in sight, and other kids had discovered the weight room. Third, even in the rec league we started playing the kids who were just great. I faced classmate Jeff Ware, who struck me out with three straight pitches, two of them nasty curve balls. How am I supposed to hit a ball that’s moving left and right AND spinning? (Jeff went on to get drafted by the Blue Jays and last I heard, was winter coaching for the Yankees).
There’s a point where the rubber has to meet the road. You can get by on good looks for only so long (and speaking of, I may have even had a rat tail for a few weeks poking out of the back of my baseball hat). (Author note – this entry is conjuring up a lot of deep memories, so bear with me as we get through this therapy together. ) You can come to the practices and games, but it’s that ‘in between’ time that matters the most in personal development. It’s a lifestyle.
I didn’t have that athlete’s mentality. The 4AM running, seeking wisdom in the library, pushups -for-days attitude that the winners possess wasn’t for me. I played soccer and baseball for 4-5 seasons each. I was decent at both (until the end of baseball), but I didn’t really get into the nuts and bolts of the games, nor train for either. I also played basketball for 2 years, which was an exercise in futility. 4 points in two seasons. And those magical 2 buckets were both in one game. I should have hung up my Navy Exchange tennis shoes that day and saved my parents more anguish.
I tried to do junior high school wrestling. That lasted about 2 practices, since I got home at like 7PM and still had homework to do. I had no idea how to schedule myself or make any of the balance work. 12 is such a tough age anyway, but I digress. My life played out like the current Diary of a Wimpy kid series; never quite cool enough and thinking I was failing at every turn.
As I grew older, I tried to compensate a little for my earlier lack of sport. Being broke and single (which is a LOT different than broke with 2 kids), I would fill my off days from being an intern at MCA Records Nashville and a bartender at Applebee’s with occasional pickup games of basketball and jumping in the local batting cages. I found I was REALLY good at the cages. I would put in 10 tokens, and miss maybe one pitch. Major League Baseball was in the middle of a strike, and trying out everyone at the time, so I began to dream. What I didn’t realize was that I missed the point completely – I got better at hitting because I put in the time. And I was still slow and skinny, so…
Fast forward to today, where I sit in daily aches and pains from playing with the kids in the yard, more knowledgable about the process, but now with too few years ahead to get that World Series ring. My oldest has become a far better athlete than I could have dreamed, and his skills and study are only outpaced by his passion. He plays with grit and a subtle, zen like calm and pure love as he makes that soccer ball dance. He’s hit the point where he sees his results, yet knowing there is still much to do. That in-between time we spend is paying dividends and running up my ibuprofen bill.
When he started watching YouTube videos of his favorite soccer stars, I started seeing a small change in him. He was fascinated with the celebrations that various footballers would show after a goal. Right now, just about every kid wants to be Christiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi. Ask Henry who the greatest #10 of all time is, and he’ll tell you Pelé. I appreciate his nod to history, yet at the same time, he’s still a kid who was practicing his celebrations as he would kick. I then introduced him to a mantra we now say all the time.
‘Humble and Hustle’.
Just keep your head down and put in the work. With anything. School, work, music, gardening, whatever. Practice, soak, learn, sweat, repeat. And when that work pays off, don’t be cocky about it. Get the back pats and move on. There’s a lot of wisdom in those two words that can carry ANYONE. Even me and you.
I was inspired to write this entry after substitute teaching yesterday. There was a discussion with the kids about being confident, and the kids were asked what they thought the word ‘confidence’ meant. The first answer was ‘comfortable’. Now, that’s not the textbook answer, but dammit it was a good one. Out of the mouths of babes, right?
My brain started working. When we are confident, aren’t we comfortable? When we are strong with who we are, what we can do, and how we can get better, the sky is the limit. I know I will never dunk a basketball on anything other than a pool toy, and I am ok with that. For someone starting out in this life, they should be comfortable knowing nothing is impossible, which is true (except for the dunking business), which builds that confidence.
Being comfortable with who we are makes us better all the way around. Not giving in to haters (thank you, internet), and believing the words ‘I can’ will take us to the moon. Except in school. Holy crap that’s a battle ground of swirling anxiety waiting to taint us forever. Not having the right shoes or pants or phone is a nightmare on social strata. Confidence is shot, and it’s a tough place to navigate.
That’s where the parents should step in. The school isn’t where this starts. It all starts at home, and with you. You have the influence on your kids, and one key is to simply spend time with your kids and and build their confidence. Making them comfortable with who they are AND TELLING THEM HOW GREAT THEY ARE really goes a long way. How do you feel when you haven’t had any positive reinforcement at work for 6 months? Pretty crappy, I would think. It works that way for the little ones.
I may be dealing with some latent Dad issues here, but being one of 4 kids was tough at times. I would play ball with my brothers and other kids in the neighborhood, but Dad didn’t really show me a lot about sports because he didn’t know a lot about sports. I can’t get mad at that. I can get mad at the fact that, to this day, my older brother can’t throw a football more than 15 feet, so zero coaching there, either. As an indirect/direct result, I make a conscious effort to be with my kids as much as time and daylight will allow. It’s the best gift I can selfishly get and give at the same time.
In the middle of trying to figure it out, I found my way in music, and still feel like I have miles and miles to go in that journey. I have started jogging with my 9-year old before school because he told me he wants to get in better shape for soccer. When I was 9, I wanted to play with LEGO, Star Wars figures and torture my little brother. (I still make those attempts, but to no avail.) There was no drive to be better. I just wanted to ‘be’. As it turns out, the drive to be better makes ‘being’ a bit better as well. There are returns to the investment.
Why get all this down on paper? We’ve hit this weird time. We were locked down for crucial, lost years and didn’t take advantage of what we could have done. We can’t get it back, but we can look ahead and do better. I have a simple request. I want you to spend just 5 extra minutes with your kids. Maybe that turns into 10 later, I don’t know. I DO know that they need a little more attention that we’re giving them. I’m not pointing any fingers at all – we do what we can do – just remember they are looking to you for everything. Put in the ‘in-between’ work with them and watch them soar.
We also have another saying around our house. ‘They’ll never be this little again.’ Make the most of it.
I’m off to practice my jump shot…
